CareGiver360

I once saw a touching Italian film called “The Keys to the House” that provided an intriguing story about how one deals with the challenges of caregiving. It is a story of a man who is reunited with a son he has never seen. A son he abandoned who has serious physical and psychological disabilities due to trauma at birth. The father, Gianni, now remarried with a new infant child, did not initiate this reunion. His son’s maternal family arranges for the two to meet after being told by doctors that meeting his biological father might help his condition.

Issues of responsibility aside, Gianni is nervous about this reunion. He echoes a commonly felt uncertainty about how to react in the face of serious disability. The film unfolds in Berlin, where the 15-year-old Paolo undergoes an injurious program of rehabilitation at a hospital. At this clinic, Gianni encounters Nicole. Nicole is the mother of a child with disabilities even more severe than Paolo’s and upon their meeting she warns him to “Prepare yourself for suffering.” Sizing up Gianni as a first-time hospital parent, she tells him she’s surprised to see him there: “It’s rough the first time. This is the mother’s dirty work. Fathers can’t take it.”

I recall this movie because it is a reminder that the demands of caregiving can be seen as overwhelming and for many families it certainly is. Friendships can disappear, extended family may feel uncertain as to how to help, and marriages can experience great stress. Nicole’s advice to “prepare yourself for suffering” is a common response. While some form of suffering may well be part of the experience, I believe we can overcome the suffering.

When we ask ourselves the all important question “Now what?” we need to know that we can only answer the question accurately after a time of quiet reflection and not hectic frustration. There are always solutions that can help alleviate our caregiving problems although they may not be ones that come to mind immediately.

As the film moves forward Gianni overcomes his uncertainty and begins to understand his son Paolo in a more complete way. He gains insight and compassion and ultimately seeks to gain a more intimate long-term relationship with his son. The process of quiet reflection, search for understanding and simply spending time in the presence of his son enabled Gianni to achieve what seemed impossible just a few weeks earlier.

I like to think that CareGiver360’s personalized care guides provide the insights necessary to achieve a more complete understanding of an individual’s care needs. With a more comprehensive view, the question of “Now what?” becomes far easier to answer.